The First Zero
1. How great things were
Back when I was 24, I was.. making real money after college, had a job during recession, with a girlfriend who I was infatuated with, had lots of friends, had ton of freedom, and was carefree. Night clubs were fun! Drinking was fun! Life was great, at least I thought it was. However, things started spiraling downwards at the same time, but I didn't looked far into the future enough to realize all of that..
2. How things fell apart
Several months before all of this occurred, my father passed away 🪦 . After that, the relationship with my mother soured. This was most likely due to me growing up (changing how I lived at home) and the death of my father definitely had an impact on us. Being in a relationship with my girlfriend helped take my mind off of my father. However, my relationship was going downhill and eventually, we separated 💔 . That was a hard hit for me. Meanwhile, I was in a dead end job with a micro manager who made my life miserable. This is the worst job I've ever had. I would have quit if I didn't need to support my family. Finding a job was tough during the recession, no one was hiring, and I didn't have much skills to market myself with. Not to mention, I had over $10,000 credit card debt.
3. My time during my downfall
I needed an escape from all of this, so I turned towards PC gaming. I played Maple Story, an MMORPG game 🎮 . MMORPGH is a type of game where you spend countless hours earning experience points just to gain levels and get better equipments. My average day was 1) wake up 2) go to work 3) go home 4) play Maple Story until midnight 5) rinse and repeat. The weekends, I would hibernate in my room and play Maple Story all day and all night. I had a life in the game. I had Maple friends, got Maple married, had a few powerful characters with one super powerful (level 155/200). When my real life friends called me to hangout, I would intentionally ignore the phone calls 📵 most of the time because I didn't want to hang out. All of my decisions resulted in me cornering myself at home, a lonely life🚶🏻♂️. I've lived this life for 1.5 years. I've wasted 1.5 years of my life.
4. How I got back up
During the time that I was working the dead end job and playing Maple Story, I ended up getting laid off and was jobless for over a year. I had a ton of free time playing games. I wasn't super active looking for jobs simply because there were no jobs, I got unemployment, and I didn't want to work. I had a savings of ~$10,000 💰 and am debt free. My savings + unemployment lasted me for a very long time. Over time, I start to realize that Maple Story wouldn't be forever and I grew an inkling that I need to get back in touch with reality. One day, I stopped playing Maple Story cold turkey and got up on my feet. I started hanging out with my friends again and also made new friends.
I never stopped looking for jobs. By February 2011, I had $2,000 in my bank account and unemployment was about to be reduced. I started to grow desperate for a job. On one magical day, I got an interview with Grubhub from applying through Craigslist. After the on-site interview, I felt like I performed historically the same as I did with every other company. The next day, I got a miscall and a voicemail from Grubhub. They offered me a position and increased my asking salary by $10,000 🤑 to motivate me to work hard. This is one of my most memorable day in my life.
5. Where I am afterwards
I ended up moving out later that year to a new apartment complex with 2 friends. Living on my own is a great experience. I lived at a bachelor's pad - we drank everyday, threw parties, lived the independent life of a frat boy. I had back-to-back relationships and made new friends who I became close with.
Grubhub (during 2011-2014) was one of the best companies I've ever worked for. I've never met such great people, great working environment, and it invigorated my life. My career excelled with much learning from all of the great engineers.
A colleague asked if I wanted to play board games after work. I'm like sure, I love Scrabble and Monopoly. We played Space Alert, a game I've never heard of. It was so much fun and I was just amazed on why I've never heard of it. The next session, we played Battlestar Galactica. This game was even more fun and I've never heard of it either. Thus, the birth of my new passion is born.
At the end of 2013, I was in a long distance relationship with someone who I thought would be forever. My plan was to move back home with my mother so that I can spend 1 year with her and then move to Florida to live with my girlfriend at the time.
The Second Zero
1. How great things were
Life was perfect, at least I thought it was..
- ✅ Better career
- ✅ Tight group of friends
- ✅ Serious relationship
- ✅ Vision/plan of my life
2. How things fell apart
During the move out, there was a fallout between me and one of my roommates. We stopped talking and hanging out.
My relationship was going downhill probably because it was long distance. It is risky to move to Florida 🏝 if we weren't doing well. I decided not to move anymore and but kept working on the relationship.
I moved back home with my mother and sister 👩👧👦 . The commute to work is now over an hour. I was exhausted coming home from a long commute every day at work.
I totaled my 🚙 💥 and was carless for half a year.
3. My time during my downfall
My tight group of close friends hung out together but didn't invite me. I found out via Facebook feed with pictures of their hangouts on multiple occasions. At the same time, I wasn't proactive in reaching out either. Being left out is never fun 😢 . During this point in my life, I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere.
My life was work, come home late, spend Me time at home to recover from fatigue, and then Facetime with the girlfriend for an ~hour. My girlfriend and I separated months later 💔 . Once again, I was alone - just work and home. Being home with the family is great, but there was no social life. Life isn't the same when I wasn't surrounded by more people🚶🏻♂️.
4. How I got back up
Something just hit me 💡, I knew I had to do something with my life. I wasn't going to rely on my friends to call me up. I had to go outside of my comfort zone to transform my life.
I also decided to put on the brakes on relationships. I had back-to-back relationships and it kept failing. Perhaps, I don't know what I want, how to handle a relationship properly, and I needed to figure out my identity 🆔 .
I moved out for the second time - lived with a friend in a high rise 🏢 in Uptown next to the lake 🌊 . Independence has returned once again. The commute to work was a lot shorter. I purchased my second car 🚗.
I attended every happy hour at work. I said yes to every invite I got, even if I may not be comfortable with meeting a bunch of new people at a new place. I never shy away from exploring new things in life. I was very uncomfortable ~85% of all social activities I've attended. I felt like I had to sell myself, make a lot of extra effort to meet people, and fit in a foreign crowd. This is when my introvert self slowly became extroverted and adventurous.
5. Where I am now
What I've learned from these Zeroes is that things won't get better if you don't pick yourself up. The key is to keep an open mind, seek opportunities, and seize opportunities when they come. Below are the series of phases that I went through:
- Phase 1 - Realization
- Phase 2 - Acceptance
- Phase 3 - Action
- Phase 4 - Consistent Action
- Phase 5 - Consistent Action becomes a Habit
I've heard of the saying that when you push yourself beyond your limits, you end up acclimating to your surroundings. That is the new normal. Today, I have zero fear going to places by myself to blend in a crowd. I can talk to people, make friends and connections with some level of effort, and still have a great time.
Fast forwarding to 2022.. I am very thankful for all of the events that happened during the Zeroes 0️⃣ . If those events never occurred, I would not have been the person I am today. "Struggle builds a character". "Resilience improves a character". Zeroes created Lam Doan v3.0. I found my real identity and motivation in life. I created http://lamvdoan.com from scratch, ran a half marathon, and accomplished the 75 Hard challenge. I don't get drunk 🍻 and party 🎊🍻 anymore, those just aren't for me. Board games, karaoke, meeting people, self improvement, and traveling is my jam. I look forward to international travels, music festivals, and board game conventions.
I couldn't ask for more from the new friends I made during my First and Second Zero. Today, we remain great friends 🤝 and are still in touch.
I changed careers and am now a Software Engineer 👨🏻💻 at Fetch Rewards. I manage Software Engineer apprentices and interns, am a tech lead of a critical project, and got promoted 3 times in 2 years.
I'm happily married to my beautiful wife Jacki 👱🏽♀️ #JAM and absolutely adore our dog Dolce 🦊 . We currently live together in a nice Condo in Wicker Park.
I have a great relationship with my mother 👵🏼.
Loneliness is far back in my rearview mirror. If I ever reach Zero again (let's hope not), I have 💯 confidence that I can pick myself up quickly and become a Hero 🦸🏻♂️ again.